I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
