Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
