suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
