I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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