it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
