Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
