Joe is yelling at the trees again.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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