i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
