you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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