My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Floor bacon is actually really good
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