Your face is a jimmy john
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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