For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
