I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
