I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
