Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
