hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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