I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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