we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
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I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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