When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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