Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
