I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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