sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
