guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize