just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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