it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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