oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
