we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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