It's like God shit irony all over that family
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Congratulations! We have a period
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