Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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