Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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