I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
