I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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