How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
