Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
