Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
