I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
