I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
