well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
