imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
