you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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