i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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