dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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