So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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