Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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