just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
