My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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