Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
