After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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