Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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