i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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