the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
