one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
