Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
