Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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