Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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