broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
