Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
