Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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