The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH