lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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