People in love make me want to vomit
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
