remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize