Apparently you make a good broom.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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