and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
