I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
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Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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