Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
