Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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