At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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