He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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